We met a few weeks ago. The details will remain vague because it’s important for privacy sake. We chatted. He seemed really interested in getting to know me. I asked myself if I was attracted to him because he’s an attractive guy. I figured out that, in time, I could be. We hung-out a bit. He invited me to go climbing (I didn’t because I was running on fumes as far as sleep was concerned PLUS I was b-r-o-k-e) He invited me to go to yoga (I didn’t because I was (b-r-o-k-e). During one of our chats he mentioned his girlfriend and I switched my lady parts to manual transmission. From this point on, I assumed his interest was purely platonic. Surprisingly, my heart was unaffected.
Fast forward a few weeks. Eventually a bunch of folks went out to dinner and drinks. Upon returning to home base some people had had quite a bit to drink. I was sober. I ended up sitting next to him on the loveseat and made a joke about how small it was. I remember noticing his posture and thinking, “Wow, if he were anyone else I’d look at this as flirtation.” He had his arm around me. His legs were touching mine. We were sitting super close. I chocked it up to the size of the love seat. Also, I was wearing fleece pants that were 1,000 times to big and a flannel shirt that was equally as large. I wasn’t trying to be attractive or sensual. I was going for warm. Also, I had on wool socks.
The next morning, a friend pulled me aside and asked me what happened between the two of us. Oblivious, I asked her to elaborate. She commented on all of the things I just mentioned then said, “I expected him to be doing the walk of shame in the morning.” I laughed. When I finally saw him that morning he was a little weird but not too much. I wondered if he had been flirting with me, but I’d just missed the cues. I’m not cool with getting involved with a person who’s involved. Nonetheless, I wondered why I missed the cues — if there were any. It came to this.
With my ovaries in manual transmission I wasn’t attracted to him. Historically, I’m attracted to almost any guy who comes in box. If you’re into the outdoors, attractive and friendly, I’m pretty much sold. Since returning from Morocco, I’ve changed. I’m no longer worried if a guy is interested in me. I don’t freak out and get all gooey-eyed. I’m more concerned with whether or not I’m into him. That’s a HUGE difference. With this guy, I wasn’t. Honestly, if he didn’t have a girlfriend, I’m not sure I’d be anymore attracted to him even then. That’s new. I like that. I’ve become more discerning in my old age. Discerning is nice.